Belief

This morning I woke up at 6am and couldn't get back to sleep. And that on vacation!

So I did what I do every morning: reached for my cellphone and scrolled through instagram. And then pinterest. These little pictures make me so happy every morning. They are little glimpses at people's lives, demonstrating how beautiful life is. I find it incredibly inspiring and uplifting!
They make an ordinary morning extraordinary.

I get ideas for posts, photos, outfits, stories - they get me thinking about life, love, happiness and faith.

I've always been a (over-)thinker. I get stuck in my head sometimes with too many thoughts. That's why I like listening to stories - makes my brain shut up for a while. Or going to work and be with other people - if I would stay at home all the time, who knows what that would do to my mind.

But I do like my quiet time to think. To look at pictures, read other blogs, enjoy my morning coffee, get inspired.

So this morning, after I caught up on the latest instagram and pinterest posts (what, an hour went by? whoa!), I went outside to release the dogs, give them a morning cuddle, and then made coffee and sat outside for a while.

And amongst the floating thoughts in my head, this one manifested itself: belief. What do I believe in?

I grew up in the Lutheran church and was quite active for many years. Sunday school, then youth groups, choir, church organist. I had a children's bible that I loved, later the New Testament written in "modern language" (in German). I called myself a Christian, avoided to say "oh my god" or "Jesus" in vain (I still get a flutter of guilt when I say it), and tried to pray every night.

Here's the thing.
The whole church affair was always tinged with guilt for me. If I forgot to pray I felt guilty. If I thought bad thoughts about someone I felt guilty. If I didn't pay attention during the sermon I felt guilty.
Not very enjoyable, feeling guilty all the time. Even though they tell you about forgiveness, I still felt that you have to "earn" the right to call yourself a Christian. You are judged.

In no way do I make the pastors responsible for this, not at all! I really want to make that clear. The ones I have known have been kind, inspiring, awesome people.
Like I said, it's me being in my head so much, overthinking.

Then, a few years ago, our acupuncturist loaned us a DVD. And it spoke to me on many levels.
You have probably heard of it: The Secret.
I haven't watched it in a long time, so I might be rusty on the details, but what I took away from it is this: Our thoughts are powerful things that can create reality. With your thoughts you can create the life you want (the law of attraction - there's physics talk in there). Ask the universe for what you want, be specific - and you will get it.

In a nutshell: You picture the life you want, imagine it like you are already living it, and you will get it. Isn't that totally awesome? The world is your oyster, ask and you shall receive?

Hold on a minute. "Ask and you shall receive" - where have I heard that before? Yup, you guessed it - it's in the bible. Matthew 7,7. It continues: "seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you". That's what the Secret is all about!

And if you just use a different word for universe - let's say, God - there you have your faith.

That's what I find so amazing about it. For some reason, that DVD opened my eyes, made sense, made something click in my head.

And there's another reason: I felt that I had already used it without really knowing about it.
When I was about 18 I developed a deep yearning for a different life. I was restless and seeking. For some reason I decided that Canada would be the ticket to my happiness. I cut out an article from a magazine about a couple who had gone into the BC wilderness, built their own little cabin and lived there for a winter (why in the winter and not the much nicer summer is anyone's guess). That article went up on my wall above my bed and I looked at it every morning and every night, picturing myself doing something like that one day.

Then, 4 years later, I discovered the internet. (At age 22 - don't judge. I'm never fast when it comes to newfangled inventions.)
And I answered an ad from a Dutch lady, living in 100 Mile House, BC, looking for someone to help out on her ranch. She used the magic words: adventure, Wild West, cowboys, bears, wilderness, Canada. I was a goner.

The rest is history: I met my man, fell in love with him and Canada, and started my life here.

Was it God? The universe? Me? It doesn't really matter.
What matters to me is that there is a higher power you can rely on. I have the very strong sense in my life that anything is possible.
I want to be a good person, be good to others, be happy, spread happiness. I believe in Karma, a higher power, and the beauty in life.
So I guess I'm a believer! (But never a Belieber. Just want to make that clear.)


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 xo Miriam